YOU thought the phrase was "Vote or Die."  But since Nov. 3rd, you've been feeling like Anthony Hopkins in "Meet Joe Black," except your angel of darkness  isn't Brad Pitt. So you've been taking valiums nearly every day just to get by. But unless you're a talk show host with political connections, you may land in more trouble.

There are other options.

You could toss out that copy of Ralph Nader's consumer guide to global warming and world peace.You probably should forget you ever heard the name Michael Moore. And, don't try to recall those heady days of the Howard Dean Revolution. These will only vex you.

You may want to take "Democracy Now" off your computerized list of favorite websites. Democracy has always been overrated and mostly it's a front man for capitalism. You know this; you just hate being reminded of the cold hard realities of the 21st Century.

You could buy a year's supply of ketchup. Not unlike the 1980s, it's expected to become a popular vegetable. Buy now and corner the market.

You could visit your nearest botanica and buy a bunch of prayer cards--one for every occasion. You could buy a dozen yards of fabric--try Ashcroft blue. Then, take a stroll through your community and drape every naked or near naked sculpture you encounter. Become familiar with the Book of Revelations. Practice saying Hallelujah with meaning and passion.

Try speaking in short declarative sentences. And do season your conversations with non sequiturs.

Learn to walk like a cowboy. Watch a few old John Wayne and Clint Eastwood movies for guidance. Don't worry about boots or a Stetson; it's the kick-butt strut that matters most.

You buy yourself a buzz saw and practice clearing brush. None in your neighborhood? Relax. Take a visit to your nearest park. Clearing the land there will automatically place you inside the sacred circle of red.

Brush-up on Korean and Iranian languages. When the final two spokes in the axis of evil are destroyed, you want to be first in line to receive one of those fabulous contracts, or a permit as an embedded journalist, or a tourist visa.Afterall, you wouldn't want to miss the fireworks; they are sure to be spectactular.

In other words, you can get with the program. Or, you can get up, declare that it's on because the United States is engaged in a Civil War. You can gather your posse, pick a Sherman, and take back your country.

In those infamous red words You decide.